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The death of a grandparent is probably one of the worst things that can happen to you as a child. Facing death can be sad or frightening to anyone, but as a child, it seems all the more difficult to cope with all the pain, grief, and confusion. I experienced this as a child of six when I lost my grandfather. My parents, too, were undergoing a trauma but they were almost oblivious to my grief.
They did not realise that although I did not fully understand the finality of death, I felt miserable. I went through intense and confusing emotions. They felt I was too young to understand the finality of death. For me, first it was shock, then denial, as I couldn’t accept what had happened. Then I was angry, and finally sadness and depression engulfed me. I wanted to withdraw from the world, not wanting to see or speak to anyone, or do anything.
For days I wanted to look through his belongings. I would sit in his room for hours. Perhaps, subconsciously, it was my way of reaching out to him. There were times when I thought I would never enjoy life the same way again. Later, I learnt that this is a natural reaction after a loss. “Time is the best healer,” say people but I feel it only covers the -hurt. The loss of a dear one stays with you forever.